Rage and Assuage [entries|friends|calendar]
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[08/4/15/01:12]
My walls are empty. I've got quite a bit of wall space, mostly painted in an unpleasant yellow the precise shade of a smoker's teeth, but partially in a brown that is reminiscent of everything wrong with seventies interior design aesthetics.
Covering my walls, I have the following:
  • A lightswitch
  • A hook, which holds one (1) bathrobe.
  • I lost everything else when I moved a few times.
  • Oh, and my bookshelf takes up a few feet.
  • Well, technically, it's Misha's bookshelf.
  • But it didn't fit in his room, so I took it.
This seems somehow insufficient. I need art. However, I don't want what seems to be standard among people of my age - posters of Klimt and Pulp Fiction, and a band of choice. I'm not saying that Klimt is necessarily bad (See: Judith and Holofernes, or some of his more Schieleish drawings), nor even other posters, but I think I can do even better.
Now, I figure I have a few friends who are artists. And I figure I have a job. Do you see where I am going with this? I think it's sort of clever.
If you are an artist - and are making art - I am looking to exchange money for art, the highest form of bourgeois transaction.
The only thing you'll have to live with (besides your newfound and, to be honest, comparatively small amount of cash) is the fact that your art, be it painting, drawing, sculpture, happening or bizarre monument (I'm looking at you, close personal friend Richard Serra) will be stowed away in my dark, quiet room, with no one to love it but myself - and my love for art is fickle and changeable as the winds (But if one of you can steal me The Bride Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors, Even, I will love you forever, with not a trace of fickleness.) So let me know if you want me to get your art! I can give you money or barter.

(If nobody else signs on, I will cover all of my walls with Starbuckesque brightly coloured spirals. Nobody wants that. Actually, that might be fairly cool too. But if Starbuck thinks she's been plagiarized, well, I'm just saying she could kick my ass pretty hard. I'm actually worried, and she doesn't even exist. Does fearing a fictional character mean I've found religion?)
14|better craftsmen

[08/4/7/23:23]
How are you today, everyone? Me, I'm surprisingly awake, relatively zestful, and only marginally more confused than usual.

What's confusing me? Well, a number of things always are (usually, people's incomprehensible desire to burn the planet to ash for profit and unwillingness to do anything to ameliorate the problem, my unrequited love for Nick Cave and two or three of his bad seeds, the hoatzin, and the constant resurgence of racism which is enthusiastically embraced by everyone, but the list can vary) but at the moment, what's confusing me is why I haven't been to the Darwin exhibit at the ROM yet.

Say what you will about museums as tools to perpetuate colonial narration, say what you will about the offensive, ugly botched new structure that cost reputedly 270 million (which could have built a hell of a lot of more attractive affordable housing) but I still love museums more than should be feasible, and I hear that this Darwin deal is a fine shindig.

So I'm going to hit the ROM tomorrow afternoon at 4:00, and everyone should come along for elucidation, bat caves, and hypothetically food to follow. Come on, it's not like everyone is too busy right now to do anything.
Short notice, hooray!
8|better craftsmen

[08/4/7/01:27]
There is nothing better than proselytizing things that I like.
Now, the best thing to spread the word on is books. Books being, of course, the highest medium of expression, with the sole exception of music (on a very few precious occasions, those including [this week] Andrew Bird's Minor Stab, Eugene Mcguiness's Monsters Under the Bed [but nothing else he's ever done (see the proper use of nested parentheses?)], and the Mountain Goats' Lovecraft in Brooklyn [which I wouldn't have to recommend with indier friends (I'm talking to you)]).
So basically, my various friends, I have books for David (you get two!), Jenny, Danny, Ephraim and Gigi come wednesday (A third of you know who these people are; the rest are missing out). But anyways, when I get a raise it always goes directly to bookstores; this means that I have many books to spare. So who among you wants my taste dictated on you? Name yourself, and I will pick a book for you. It will be something delightful, and it will be better suited to my tastes than yours. You will thank me for this (I will rejoice), and I will deliver it to you. It will be particularly convenient if I you'll be at Geek Night, because I am already taking seven books, so it'll hardly be effort to bring you more. On the other hand, I'm always looking for excuses to come see people, so if you won't be at geek night I will deliver my book for you in person and then we will hit the clubs/pubs/bedrooms of the nation/discotechqqque/museums together. To summarize: I have something you should read, which will vary depending on who you are. This includes you, Mom (Also, we should have dinner on Tuesday. How about Tuesday?)

EDIT: How fitting is it that I had to edit this to repair a grammatical error with my parentheses?
8|better craftsmen

[08/4/3/23:47]
Thank you very much, everyone, for the surprising quantity of birthday greetings. I got emails, phone calls, pies, my name etched indelibly onto the diamond at the heart of a dead star, and an ever-growing sense of self-importance which will lead me to segregate myself from the rest of you in my vast palace, forcing opera careers on those I love.
So thanks for all being lovely people.

And now, a few things I learned over the last few days. First, if I am baking something, and I say "Well, fuck." six times over the course of the process - and I am notable for never, under any circumstances, cursing - my cake may perhaps be less than ideal. However! Using pie as some manner of diabetic adhesive apparently improves any cake. It does, unfortunately, sort of violate my goal of not just making pie.

Next: The best way to write an essay is to stare at the screen at four in the morning, a seussical thesis (Edward Said, you decolonized gent, let's never give Conrad a chance to repent...)your only finished work. Then, put on a Marx brothers movie. The essay will solve itself later, given luck and divine intervention.

Finally, you need three items to make a list. That is all.
3|better craftsmen

[08/4/1/09:26]
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my birthday, and everything is actually pretty delightful.
I consider this dangerously anomalous, and will strive to find something to be angry or depressed about, but I somehow don't think it will take, really.

So have a good day everyone, and lets all be cheerful and such!
10|better craftsmen

[08/3/31/14:24]
Earth Hour has come and passed with great fanfare from some quarters as I understand it. What did I, hypothetical environmentalist that I am, do?
I sat in my room, turned up my music, and turned on all of the lights in my house, while loudly complaining about Earth Hour.
Earth Hour has been hyped by major newspapers, by the news, by celebrities, by everyone for weeks. It's been a major event, a powerful publicity tool, and observed by apparently a respectable number - Canada's energy usage dipped by %5 for that hour.
Think about that. Weeks of media blitz lowered usage for 5 percent, for a single hour.
The problem isn't the notion of raising awareness (awareness is, after all, the theme of this year's awareness fair) of climate change - the problem is creating symbolic gestures which, rather than coaxing people toward real change instead act as a substitute for change. By making it an issue that people feel can be addressed on a level of individual choice, it allows government and business to abdicate responsibility, to download the issue to consumers who will of course not change anything.
Five percent - that's the reduction that consumers are willing or able to make for an hour. And of course, it's entirely symbolic. There are no long term changes made that hour, no serious infrastructural adaptations. But that's just the problem. Even if Earth Hour had seen every light in Toronto dimmed, every car replaced with a hybrid, every window insulated, these changes are insufficient.
Consumer choice cannot be a key tool in reducing energy consumption. Consumer pressure on business is feeble, and easily misled - look at the number of products whose greenness doesn't extend beyond the label. Businesses have no reason to do anything but greenwash as long as there are not hard structural changes being made - unless there is a heavy carbon tax, strictly enforced efficiency requirements, or forcing corporations have to use hundred dollar bills to fertilize boreal forests as a carbon capture system, there is nothing that can be done on any serious level.
Any consumer level change is fundamentally as symbolic as Earth Hour is. And that's why Earth Hour is pointless and stupid: because it makes it our choice to turn off the lightbulb; because I can be an asshole and decide not to switch anything off, and so can millions of other people and businesses.
10|better craftsmen

[08/3/30/00:14]
Want to know how to make a fine sandwich?
Come home too tired too stand.
Bake bread.
Put things between the delicious breads shortly after they disembark the oven. It is unimportant what.
Rejoice!

A recipe for Irish soda bread will make you the happiest person that there is. It has the highest deliciousness to effort ratio of any baked good. I recommend that you all search the internets concerning the matter.
2|better craftsmen

Well, damn. [08/3/27/15:41]
[ music | Andrew Bird - Minor Stab. Over and over again. ]

I'm pretty happy with how I'm doing. I'm generally supporting myself, I have a good job, I write and pretty soon will be done a book or some such, and sure, I recognize that there are people who accomplished more in that time. I mean, Keats had finished Endymion when he was my age, Picasso was having a lovely blue period, Dave Eggers was editing a magazine of his own, and Jonathan Safran Foer was finishing off Everything is Illuminated, but not everyone can be that accomplished at age 22.

But damn, this article makes me feel deeply ashamed.

Sure, I'm not a bestselling author yet, but at least I'm writing. But I've never even tried to sell $300,000,000 worth of decomposing forty year old Chinese bullets to the Pentagon to be distributed to Afghanistan. Hell, I even know a licensed masseuse that I could employ as my Vice President, and I never got around to it.

It's our generation. We're just all so goddamn apathetic. Here I am spending a few hours playing the rather superb Audiosurf and writing about the Ode on Indolence, when I could have been buying hundreds of millions of rounds of ammunition from Albania and shipping them through shell companies and eastern European arms smugglers to Afghan and Iraqi militias. It's just so damn lazy of me. I don't even supply armies with a single type of ammunition, let alone 52 different shells, ranging from handgun to tank rounds.

I've never been taken to court for a single assault charge, let alone had the US army cover for me when I did. I'm wasting my life here with my clean criminal record and lack of Pentagon support. I never been released on bail for having a fake ID to allow me to be legal age to drink so that I could go to get my bid for a pentagon contract in on time.

Look. Every one of us who is spending our time at university, at work, writing our petty memoirs or putting on our shows at the clubs, we're all wasting our lives. We could be out there bribing Albanian Prime Ministers with sex, and being paid hundreds of millions of dollars by the pentagon for useless junk. All it would take is a little bit of initiative on our part, and we're just not trying. We're falling behind, my friends, and I've had enough of it.

Speaking of which, does anyone have a hundred thousand tons of decomposing Soviet materiel they need distributed? I hear we still have a long, long, depressingly long time before this particular gravy train jumps the rails.

7|better craftsmen

[08/3/23/02:09]
It seems like I should probably get some sort of a cameratron and start posting food porn. Now that my mom is doing it all professional-like, I feel like I should at least be doing my part for the cause of internet foods, which will hopefully entail actually cooking. There can never be enough foodblogs.
Speaking of food on Internet, as a professional cheesemonger I can safely say that The Truth About Cheese is the definitive source for total world knowledge.

A main reason to be interested in food blogging: I am finding it difficult to write lately. I'm sure most people are familiar with it, the blank sheet that sits there refusing to fill itself with writing. Ah well. Writing is tough sometimes. But I have now started a writing blag, apparently, which will of course be completely and thoroughly neglected but for the moment has one story I wrote a while back that I was pleased with. So if you like that sort of thing, I might post periodically at that spot. But I doubt it'll be the most hopping place.
8|better craftsmen

[08/3/21/23:06]
I adore used books.
I have a copy of Jim Crace's the Gift of Stones with an inscription that hopes for a distant future, and a copy of the Crossing that had inserted into it as perhaps bookmarks of no significance slips of paper, each with a short verse written on it in crude, angular hand. I've lost them all but two as I read that book over and again, but replaced them with phone numbers written insider the back cover. It's a little touch that adds a layer to whatever it is you've found, a small narrative overtop the novel.
Anyways. I like books.
I've been planning on going to spend a couple of weeks wages on books, and I think I will do so at my next day off, conveniently close to my birthday. Also, I've gone and got myself (Misha's) bookshelves, so I figure the now vacated shelves, desks, dressers and other surfaces can be covered in various literatures.

Seriously, I not only shelved but also alphebetized my books. How weird is that? I don't even like dictionaries being alphabetical.
4|better craftsmen

[08/2/24/22:29]
I make a lot of bear jokes, but I have been outclassed.

This is a problem. It's like when I had to stop my zombie plays after Shawn of the Dead.

Stop being better than me, people.
2|better craftsmen

[08/2/23/19:45]
Anyways, that's more than enough emo from me. I'll comb my hair back out of my eyes, take off my black eye liner, put on some belle and sebastian and get down to my normal business. I'm a firm believer in shaking off angst with the maximum haste possible, through a rigorous application of line dance and makeover.

First order of business: I have a house to pack. So pardon if I don't stay here to chat for too long, but there's a hell of a lot of sorting and such that's staring at me. But that just means that soon I'll be living in a charming little bungalow.
3|better craftsmen

Like a terrible garbage phoenix. [08/2/22/22:11]
It's been a long time since I said, in all sincerity, that I would post more.

It's hard, though. I try whenever possible to edit my life out of livejournal, as there are more than enough people writing about their lives already, and that's what ordinary journals are for. I want to write about politics more, but anything that I would say is already being said more eloquently and in a more informed manner elsewhere. I would write about music and art, but I haven't actually been following them lately.

So instead, I offer you a recipe:

Hugh's Guaranteed %100 Successful Miserable Friday

Ingredients:
4 Tom Waits albums
1 Bottle sake
1 pack instant noodles
1 despair

Process:
Mix despair with one teaspoon of cornstarch mixed into a quarter cup of water, and simmer the mix over a low heat until thickened.
Add noodles and sake; ramen is preferable, but kraft dinner may be substituted if necessary. Likewise, any sort of incongruous alcohol is acceptable; I recommend mead in areas where sake is either inaccessible or ordinary. Cook until distasteful, then add the albums and cover the mixture for three hours. The end result should smell strongly of nostalgia and horseradish.
Serves 1.
5|better craftsmen

[08/1/7/16:10]
I am failing in my new years resolutions. I'm not sure why; it seems like the most effective way to change yourself is by drunkenly swearing oaths to nobody with no witnesses, on the day arbitrarily chosen to be the start of the year.

Well, I suppose this is a start; my resolution was to start writing more, as I have fallen off of the wagon. Writing is my resolution; writing regularly here, in my various blogeries, possibly etched into the street with a large club, in tattoos on passing house pets, whatever medium presents itself.
So now that I'll be writing all the more often, don't be entirely surprised if you wake up with a sonnet sharpied onto your forehead, or if you find short stories sewn into your favourite pants. Whatever medium is available.

And of course, one of the easiest things to write is a superficial, uninformative review. And last night, I went to see There Will Be Blood.
First of all, this is possibly the best title of all time. Secondly, I understand at last why everyone's all Ooh, Daniel Day-Lewis is cool, I like Daniel Day Lewis.
The movie was sort of akin to Citizen Kane with rifles and oil and explosions, better acting and less voiceover. I was, to be honest, expecting a considerably greater amount of blood; but it was made up for with manly stubble and oily sweat. It's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time, and makes me very glad for this recent movement towards art westerns.
5|better craftsmen

[07/11/24/00:43]
My roommates, one of them is Andre. This is a good thing.
But, we disagree on many things.
Clearly, he had been raised from a young age to approve of shitty American literature - American as he be. Try as I might to aid him, the indoctrination runs deep. Regretful. But otherwise, a clever lad. You just never know, when he recommends something, whether it is because it is legitimately good or just something that is from the more malign part of the continent. Of course, this does mean that when he recommends something Canadian, it's always good.
This is a strong statement for me: always good. He said to me one day (it was yesterday), Corb Lund and the Hurtin' Albertans, that's a band. I would have disbelieved him, were it not CanCon that he advocated. And thank be to my cowboy boots (PS: get me cowboy boots for christmas/jew christmas) and jesus that I did not disbelieve him. Because holy shit, Horse Soldier! Horse Soldier! is excellent. Listen to it, and bask. You, indie country loving folks (see: my earlier posts), this is like My Morning Jacket if they knew what country was aboot. Like Deadwood with music. Like hugs made of open plains and buckshot.

Listen!

(PS: You win this round, Andre.)
4|better craftsmen

An update! [07/11/24/00:37]
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to annouce the final preparations.
We meet at Bathurst station at 1:00. I can't stress this enough. If you need further encouragement, cake will be served. Cake.
Many of you are still university students, and I know how hungry that type is. Cake. Where? The parkette behind bathurst station (as per last time) or, if it is cold and rainy, bathurst station downstairs. Although that would suck, so let us hope it is nice out.
Now, pirate code is in effect at 2 - for those of you who have no idea what that means, we leave at 2 at the latest, with or without you, without regret or recrimination. Especially no recrimination. I hate recrimination.
WHAT DO YOU NEED:
you need either a transit pass or a token or something - there is one transit trip planned, at least. If it is raining, or bitter cold, get a day pass. Otherwise, all you need is enthusiasm for literature, and maybe paroxysm. That's good too.
If you have any baked goods or other treateries: bring them along. I made several cheesecakes, but there are several of you. Many several. I fear this horde that I have wrought, but must show no sign of weakness.
So, see you at 1ish at Bathurst!

(Apologies for typos. I have been drinking and eating cake batter.)
2|better craftsmen

The best laid plans! [07/11/12/20:24]
Ladies and Gentlemen, the time is set! The arrangements are lain! You are invited, yes, you!

Land of the Bookstore Hop 2 - The Return of the Son of the Bookstore Returns (hereafter referred to as LotBH2tRofSotBR) will be taking place Sunday, November 25.
Everyone meet at Bathurst Station, 1:00. We'll probably be done by 4 or 5, and then to a restaurant, for those not still busy.
This event is not optional. I cannot stress this enough - everyone traveling from used bookstore to used bookstore all day is not an option, but a mandate. It is something you should do.
The bookstores will be almost entirely different from last time, so you should come along again if you were part of the very successful trip last time out.

So everyone, book two sundays from now as your time to gallivant about bookstores. We'll gather to commemorate the passing of Autumn, as well as the last weekend when it will be possible to even think about going into a store without hearing Jingle Bells.

So everyone, come along for a celebration of books, buying things, and gallivanting.
Cake will be served!*

*The cake is not a lie. The cake is a cheesecake.
And everyone else, if you also feel like bringing along baked goods, you are welcome to. So, RSVP thread, Go!
7|better craftsmen

[07/11/8/22:41]
Are you curious as to why there is no new Daily Show episode? Annoyed? Here's why.

Yeah, you should all be writing your novels in the extra hour each day that the lack of Colbert Report and Daily Show grants you.

My god, though. Time flies when you don't have much.
1|better craftsmen

[07/11/7/02:43]
TIMELY BOOK REVIEWS.

Elizabeth Hay - Late Nights on Air
This is very close to being a spectacular book. Twenty percent off, maximum. Every paragraph in this novel has something astoundingly beautiful hidden in it, unheralded. She does nothing to draw your attention to the images that she makes, each one more beautiful than the last, and this coyness is wonderful. Each character in the novel is compelling and fascinating - except the one that she clearly thinks is the most interesting. There is one character in this novel that contributes nothing except conflict, and this conflict is artificial. The novel would be better off with the first two thirds trimmed down to become the first quarter - because the last section of this novel is absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful, such that I was weeping for the last hour of the novel, whereas the first portion drags on.
My mother once notably called Special Topics in Calamity Phyics "Marisha Pessl's Big Book of Similes" - well, I would call this novel "Elizabeth Hay's Catalogue of Foreshadowing." Every single paragraph in the book ends with "but, later on, they would know better." Or, "This would turn out to be a critical error." This is frustrating, particularly as this does not point towards any great revelation come the ending, simply the resolution one might expect.
Everyone should read this novel, because it has some of the finest description of the wilderness, the finest characterisation, the finest writing lately in Canadian literature. However, pretend that the meat-fisted foreshadowing isn't there.
4 joules/5

Fault Lines - Nancy Huston
Children aren't omniscient. This book blows. Fuck you.
n/5, where n is an irrationally small number.
1|better craftsmen

[07/10/23/23:35]
All right, technically capable people, I have a problem for you to solve:

my computer is haunted.

Odd, yes? Well, let me explain. My dad gave me his hand-me-down laptop a month or so ago, and I said "fantastic!" just like in those annoying lottery ads. It was pretty annoying. But anyways, I got it home, started it up, and got blue screen of deathed. Ahg! Again and again, bluescreen. So I reformat and rewindows, to no effect. I send it back to my Dad, he looks at it, nothing is wrong, perfect. I get it back, BSOD. I send it to him, perfect. It comes to me, and I take it to school directly, where it works perfectly. I take it home, BSOD.

Whenever my computer is in my house, it dies almost instantly. Windows boots up properly, and then when you do anything with the computer, or sometimes at random seconds later, it flashes a blue screen for about quarter second and resets. Anywhere else I have taken it, it works perfectly. I've tested it by starting it up on the sidewalk and walking inside, and almost immediately after coming into our apartment it bluescreened.

Is there any sort of rational explanation possible for why my computer does not function in my house and only my house? Or should I just assume haunting?
(I thought it was our wireless network for a bit, but that works fine when I am on the sidewalk.)
8|better craftsmen

What better way to spend a NaNo afternoon? [07/10/23/15:00]
Many months ago (although still on the front page of my Livejournal) I invited you all to walk around and look at bookstores. Despite this relatively uinspired premise, the event proved a success - it is still nigh on impossible to find a copy of a used Cormac Mccarthy in many of the used bookstores of the city.

But! Regrettably, not everyone could make it, and I read regularly. So now I need a new stash of books to look longingly on and dream of having time to go through, whilst I juggle cheese and write papers. And play Zelda. That takes up time too.

And so, I am planning bookstore hop 2 - everyone is invited, especially you (yes, you!), and can bring along friends, allies, minions, locusts, valets, or whomever else you see fit. If you came last time, I'll be looking into new and exciting book stores, and we will not just be retracing our steps. So if you have any favourites, let me know and I will work them into the route.

I'm thinking either the 18th or the 25th of November, both Sundays, will be the date; let me know which you would prefer, and I will ignore your preferences for whatever day I can get off of work.

So come along to bookstore hop 2! It will be a ray of sunshine on a drear November afternoon.

Pie will be served.
6|better craftsmen

[07/10/19/22:48]
It's time for another thrilling installment of Books I Read This Week!
Please note that the size of these installments does not infer any particular preternatural capacity for reading quickly; simply that given that I have approximately an hour to read on the way to work, I abstain from taking along any book in which I have fewer than eighty or so pages to go, as I will finish part way. Thus, I pass long periods without finishing a book, and then shoot off the last hundred pages of several in quick succession.

Quarantine - Jim Crace
Jim Crace is a brilliant. Did you know he was British? After starting with The Pest House, a narrative of attempting to survive in the post-apocalyptic ruins of the United States, I simply assumed he was a southern Gothic writer of Missouri, lonely in the desert with big boots and a hat. Apparently, the man is British. Which has little bearing on this novel a tale of a merchant and a messiah and their companions in the Judean desert. It was all going wonderfully - Musa, the merchant, is a marvelously sadistic character, with his astounding skill at cruelty early on laid bare through the fear of his wife that he will survive a mortal illness - after his real appearance, perhaps the most menacing character I've read since Judge Holden.
Then Jesus showed up.
You can see how this would worry me, yes? Jesus never makes things better. If I got a WWJD bracelet (sure, they may be passe among the "come the rapture, fuck you" crowd, but they still play for a laugh), the answer would be "ruin modern fiction." But this is a character far more nuanced than most, far more sophisticated. The narrative considers Jesus mostly an aside, being about the interactions of Satan cast as the mercantalist and man as his victim - and it works beautifully. I say this wholeheartedly as an antitheist: this book about Jesus is awesome.

Paul Auster - Moon Palace
I do, of course, feel that Paul Auster can do no wrong. See the previous post for confirmation of this point. Travels in the Scriptorium took an overwrought concept and made pure gold of it, City of Glass is one of the finest novels of ideas that I have ever read, and Hand To Mouth has obviously been of major influence. But this, I feel, is his most accessible and welcoming novel. Now, of course, I haven't yet read everything he's written; but this novel is one that encapsulates all of the absurdity, all of the beauty, all of the wonder of his writing, and ties it in with a self-conscious literaryness that is stunning and beautiful. Sinking into his novel astoundingly erudite art history, he includes artists like Blakelock (Whom I maintain is brother to Bester's Jeffrey Halsyon) as major - if not plot points, symbolic points; and overall he writes something of such incredible ambiguous beauty that it can't help but break your heart. Also, if you are a nerd: this novel has Tesla. Read it!

Tony Burgess - Pontypool Changes Everything
This is close to being a fantastic novel. Let's say this: I like zombies (see my Zombie Hamlet and Cold Patrimony, my mock victorian zombie play for proof). I also like Ontario (see my continued habitation despite winter climate for proof). So logically, a novel about zombies in Ontario would be right up my alley. The shores of Lake Scugog are swarming with what is, in setting, not quite the dead; and the novel revolves around the towns of Pontypool and Ceasarea. This is one of the most gruesome books I have ever read, and the sheer physicality of the zombies is brutal to read. It is brilliant in that manner, better at conveying horror, if not terror, than anything else I have read. The problem is that this isn't really a zombie novel. It is something that bounces between metaphor, literalism, realism and surrealism faster than you can keep track of - sometimes within a chapter. There is some absolutely spectacular writing to be had here - the life of two preteen siblings is foremost as a display of real talent - but inevitably it is undermined by some absolutely incongruous thing that shakes you from the novel, so that you don't look at the narrative but instead the page, hopefully wondering that you read something wrong. It's ninety percent awesome, but those ten percent stand large.

What Maisie Knew - Henry James
This is the only book that I have ever read that accurately depicts children. It is wonderful and brilliant and I am writing a four thousand word essay on it right now. If you have never read Henry James before, read and be awed. If you have, you know pretty much what you are going to get - a paragraph of perfect prose about each sentence a character utters, and intensely internal views. Read it!
better craftsmen

[07/10/17/20:49]
So.

Academia and Apathy. )
3|better craftsmen

[07/9/7/18:17]
This was pretty funny; a globe article about how Hummer drivers are the victims of bullies.
There are many reasons why hummers suck - even aside from the 10 miles per gallon ridiculousness.

First of all, there's the whole fetish for militarism that is implied in them, but whatever.
Next, there's the problem that by being 6000 pounds, driven entirely by douches, and incapable of maneuvering, they are putting everyone else on the road in danger. This too is relatively unimportant.
The biggest problem with the hummer is that it is an absolute atrocity against aesthetics. In order to want a hummer, you have to have so little taste that your tongue is actually inside out, masturbatorily tasting itself.
As St. Thomas Aquinas once asked, could god create a thing so vile that he himself could not restrain his own bile? The hummer answers that question.

Sure, it may be old hat to comment on how one dislikes hummers. But they are still ugly, and I thought you should be reminded.
2|better craftsmen

[07/9/5/22:54]
Wat does it take to get me to post on Livejournal? Apparently, a provincial election. I am deeply dissapointed that I will likely be complete unable to aid in any way in this one, but I can at least gape with disbelief.

John Tory is already disqualified from any sort of respect for a) being John Tory, Emperor of the Douches, and b) endorsed recently in an incoherent Globe editorial by Clifford Orwin, or as he is commonly known, Professor Douchington.
However, this morning, John Tory mentioned that under his religious schools plan, religious schools should be fully funded and allowed to teach creationism. He mentioned this as a reason to support his plan. Clearly, you can teach whatever crazy shit you want given a John Tory government.

Therefore, if Tory does get into power, I pledge to start my own religious school.
Primary teachings of my school:
1) Caedite eos! Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.
2) And if thy oblation be a meat offering baken in a pan, it shall be of fine flour unleavened, mingled with oil. Thou shalt part it in pieces, and pour oil thereon: it is a meat offering. And if thy oblation be a meat offering baken in the fryingpan, it shall be made of fine flour with oil.
3) 2+2=pi. In The Hugh Alter Secondary school's math, everything equals pi. And if you disagree, fuck off - freedom of religion, bitches.
4) Duck!
5) The curriculum will be entirely based on the works of Eliot, McEwan, Newsom, and Borgstrom.

Vote John Tory. Please.
4|better craftsmen

[07/8/3/21:14]
It has been a long time, you and I, hasn't it? Well, we meet again and I have to but wonder - was it you that I leant my copy of Blood Meridian to? Was it?

I do not object to this heat. The blessed calm sleepiness is well worth the sweat, which is in and of itself not unpleasant if you aren't on a leather or vinyl seat. However, I think we Canadians deal with the heat poorly. This is how we deal with it:
1) Do everything exactly the same as we otherwise would.
2) Complain about the heat.
This is, I think, a tactical error. We should look at those who have waged successful campaigns against the heat before. Let us look to South America. What do they do there? They do the siesta. It makes sense! Sleep in the hottest part of the day, and you miss it. Perfect! As a benefit, I believe the siesta is what makes magic realism work. Think of the benefits! For example: Going to sleep last night, I found it overwarm in my room. I woke up, and the air was still burdensomely heavy and thick. Were it instead a siesta, I would have dreamed of my decendents, a hundred children of my family, sailors searching for a free land all, each bearing the same mark on their right brow as I; when I woke, my love would have been sitting there beside me, and as she laughed the light would filter through her dark hair with a flash like lightning.
4|better craftsmen

[07/7/22/23:48]
I haven't updated in quite some time, have I? Well, something substantial will come soon. For the moment: reviews.

City of Glass - Paul Auster
He's a weird one, that Auster. With a theological detective tale strung over a metafictional skeleton in which Auster himself plays a prominant role, it's delightfully bizarre. The mad theology is wonderful, and it is one of those rare books that holds itself to the length of its premise. Auster seems to be fantastic at writing novellas that screw with you wonderfully, and this was great.

The Raw Shark Texts - Some Guy Whose Name I Forgot (But He's British)
Delightfully weird, I can't decide if this qualifies as science fiction or what it is, but it's also a bizarre metafictional detective storty, which as a convenient segue also references Paul Auster. Strangely enough, it's the second book I've read recently (the first being Amrita) which features amnesia and did not make me say "Well, this is a tired fucking device, now isn't it?" More bizarre and twisted than one would expect initially, this is like Jasper Fforde without the comedy in its logic and it's a wonderful thing. Sure, some of the contrivances make little sense and the un-logic, as the author puts it, of his world is sometimes a little fluid, but it is fantastic nonetheless.

Except for the interlude.

Which is sixty fucking pages.

Gimmicky shit.

But I really did like it, though. Just that little interlude...
better craftsmen

[07/6/13/23:21]
Have you seen Paprika yet? If not, watch the trailer. If, like me, you just finished watching it, you probably have your jaw sitting on the floor and the screen has sort of gone transluscent and you are paying attention to some unearthly beauty rather than my post, so you won't comment either.

It was pretty.

I'm thinking I should get a camera and start posting food porn. But, until I do / not actually going to happen, an installment of Improvised Recipestravaganza!

Fig Balsamic Reduction /w Extra Funk
1. Go to the store.
2. See some figs.
3. Say "Ooh, those look tasty."
4. Buy them, and then realize you don't know what the hell to do with figs.
5. Take some of the figs, some blackberries, some balsamic vinegar, and some wine. Boil. The proportions and the duration and the temperature are subject to change based on personal taste and the will of dark gods.
6. Victory Dance.

Step seven is optional:

7. Two days later, when eating mashed potatoes and gravy with bread, realize that you have a meal of entirely starch (as the gravy is of the swiss chalet variety and therefore cornstarch and food colouring) and pour the remainder of your fig reduction over spinach, green onions, and red pepper. Repeat step 6 as necessary.
3|better craftsmen

[07/6/4/17:47]
Rebecca Eckler is funny.

I've always been of the view that she is probably the single worst example of how pointless inanities are treated as some sort of journalism, and never understood how she managed to have a long-running column at a major newspaper - even if it was the post. But nuisance lawsuits? That's just silly.
better craftsmen

[07/6/1/20:49]
I apologize completely for everything bad I ever said about Rick Mercer's site.
5|better craftsmen

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